We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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