He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
