go do what you do best...puke behind churches
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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