What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize