I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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