a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
