He told me they were just razor bumps!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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