She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
