dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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