were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize