can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
