Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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