If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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