Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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