We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
