look no pants
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
