I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
