Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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