the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
