You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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