def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
