The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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