I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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