I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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