Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
