I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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