Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
