"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
