Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
