dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
