I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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