At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize