I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
