I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
