He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
