there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
