I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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