I swear she didn't look like that last week.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize