where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
