Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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