you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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