I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
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