I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
FUCK WHALES
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
