there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize
