I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
foreskin is a definite game changer
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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