do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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