Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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