I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
