Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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