i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
