You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize