No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
