we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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