We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
