so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
