Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
third nipple confirmed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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