I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
