I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize