put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
