guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
where am i from again
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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