"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
