I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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