can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize