i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is Oprah even human
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
