you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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