they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
