i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize