The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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