I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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