I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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