dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
