i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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