I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
