my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
