I cannot find my penis.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize