he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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