you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
