I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We were destined to go to rehab together
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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