i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
