Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
whose parrot is this?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
