ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
