hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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