Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize