We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
