You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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