i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
