She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
