I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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