So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize