Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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