I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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