LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
