mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
