I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
