I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
