oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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